ergon | .OPEN POST. (let's play)

( this is a man who has weapons stashed in his closet, whose back is matted with scars. kieren doesn't begrudge him this duty that matt seems to have imposed on himself, but he is afraid. every time he returns needing to be patched up, kieren is afraid that one day he might not come back at all, that he will just have to hear about his death on the news one day in the midst of a city who would certainly celebrate it.

and at the moment, in that warehouse, he was afraid of the kind of things matt could be capable of. )

I lost people I loved to senseless violence.

( it's hard to talk about, even though matt knows his whole story. not that many people do. )

I don't want you to be one of them.

[ Matt knows. He knows his story and all the things that had happened with him, the losses that he's suffered. Kieren's first love, his best friend -- all in bloody, violent ways that Kieren had been forced to endure.

But this is what he chooses and what he takes on, and one day he will die as violently as he'd lived. Go up against a villain so much stronger than he is -- but in hopes, perhaps, that he would have made enough of a difference to have a legacy, to show the people of Hell's Kitchen that they could stand up to the enemy, too, that they could protect others, too. But until then, he would take on their burdens, he could push back the greed and the evil that comes senselessly upon this city and its people. ]

I'm here to stop that from happening to others, Kieren. [ He tells him quietly, his fingers threading through his hair. ] Many people here have lost the ones they loved to senseless violence, too. [ He pauses. ] But I won't let that happen again.

( rick macy's father had put a knife to him because he wasn't who he was expected to be. kieren still remembers his body placed there on his front driveway as a warning, remembers grabbing the knife and rushing over to confront bill macy, the knife in hand. remembers how easy it would have been to drive that knife into him, when the man was sitting there watching television like nothing in the world was wrong. but kieren had not done that, because that isn't who he is. because hurting bill macy would never bring his best friend back to him.

revenge, he thinks, hurts the seeker more than anything else. and now, he wonders if it's justice matt seeks at all. )

I watched you lose yourself, Matt. To the anger, and the hate. That man was on the ground, he was unconscious and you just...lost it.

( he wishes that he wasn't so weak, that he could somehow reach out and protect everyone he loved, but he can't. )

You're a good man. You're better than they are.

He hurt you.

[ And it bothers him, too -- the fact that Matt was willing and prepared, when his better judgment is clouded by the thought that Kieren had been forcefully taken from his own, tortured for his sake, and there had been so much blood...

Kieren is not a man suited for violence at all, not one who belongs in such a world, where hate and death goes around and around and Matt tries. The guilt is a living, condemning thing, and Matt understands what Kieren is saying, the message he attempts to put through. ]

I'm not proud of what I did. [ He presses his lips to his forehead, soft and tentative, his expression troubled. ] You were the one who called me back. If you hadn't --

[ He wonders if he's better than them, after all. ]

( kieren lets his fingers card softly through matt's hair, brushing strands from his forehead. he knows how sensitive the man is, how much these little sensory touches affect him. is he gentle, exceedingly gentle whenever he touches him, his hands lacking the callouses of violence. )

I don't want this city to make you into something you're not.

( and he gets it, he really does. he understands what matt is trying to do. defend the helpless . stand up for the downtrodden. he's proud of him for that, prouder than words can express. )

You can pull yourself back. I believe that.

It won't.

[ Matt feels every touch, featherlight and gentle; Kieren touches him with delicate grace, with an affection that haunts him and keeps him anchored. Kieren, ever-innocent, and he's let him down.

He leans into his touch, gently moving in to press his lips gently against the side of his mouth, quiet and reassuring. He wants to soothe him, because Kieren's the one who needs his support right now. He's the one who needs him; after all, the one who had been attacked isn't Matt. He keeps those words in mind, and he musters the faintest little smile, more for Kieren's sake than his own. ]

I won't let you be hurt again.

I see it, when you look at me. You're guilty. You think you've let me down. But that's not true. You saved me. If I'd never met you, maybe they would've come for me anyway. For another reason. Because that's what they do.

( he's proud of the work matt's doing. proud of all the people he saves. but he just wishes that he didn't have to tear himself apart for it. that maybe he could try to be gentle again. like he is, with kieren. )

You're a martyr, Matt. And I'm worried that one day, you just...you won't come home. I'm scared.

[ Matt is silent for a moment as Kieren's words sink in. Kieren's not wrong; Matt can't shake the guilt he feels when he smells the copper-tang of blood and creaking bones, the way Kieren favors his side when he moves, all of it a reminder of his failure.

But he can set it aside when he goes out tonight, tomorrow, whenever he's needed, to make sure that what happens to Kieren won't happen to anyone else. He has to move forward, to keep on fighting because that's what he owes to the people of this city, to himself.

He leans forward to gently cup his face, pressing his forehead to his. Kieren needs him, and he has to be strong for the both of them. ] Don't be scared. [ He says quietly, thumb gently rubbing over Kieren's bottom lip, soft and full and so very tempting. ] I won't let anyone hurt you again. And I'll always come home to you.

[ He'll fight tooth and nail to come back to Kieren, to come back home. He refuses to be afraid; he knows what lies before him, the long, agonising painful road full of blood and death. But he takes it on anyway, because there is no other road he would rather go down on. ]

( in the end, matt will do what he wants to, what he thinks is right. kieren knows this. they are both intensely stubborn men. he can only hope that maybe matt will recall his words one day. he lets his hands smooth soothing circles on matt's back and shoulders, quiet and gentle. )

Alright. But if you're going to keep that promise, you need to sleep. You can't fight if you aren't well rested, right?

( he's not budging on this. he knows matt probably hasn't slept for days. )

Sleep.

.OPEN POST. (let's play)

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